What’s most important?

Recently I have taken the time to think about what matters to me the most. Every year around this time I tend to be hard on myself. I isolate. I pull out my New Years Resolution list. Everything on the list is never fully completed. It never fails that I feel disappointed in myself, and I anxiously try to think of a plan to retract myself. No more of this!

These last few weeks I begin to ask the Lord to help me focus on what is important. I have come to a place in prayer where I desire for him to reveal to me what “HE” feels is important for my life. Often what he feels, and what I feel are very different . There are things he desires for me, and there are things that I want (Isaiah 55:8).  To be honest.. I often find myself torn between the two. When I was trained as a counselor, we were challenged and reminded daily to examine our intentions. Why do I feel this way? Why do I desire these things? What is driving my actions? What is my heart revealing? Why I am acting this way? We push our clients to think through these ideas. These person centered thoughts have become ingrained into the fiber of who I am. There is not one single day that I am not reflecting on these things. As a result, time and time again God humbles me and reveals my impure and selfish intentions. Amazingly this process has caused me to be more sensitive, and more understanding to others then I can ever imagine. But the downside is this.. I focus so much on myself and the intentions of others, that I forget to think about God and his intentions towards me. Do not be mistaken… The thoughts and plans you have for yourself will NEVER be better than the plans that God has towards you. The more I pursue life for myself, the further from Christ I will be. My desire is to fill up my thoughts of God, in the place I would normally place myself. My desire is to forfeit my will, and change my behavior. He demands and deserves to be the center of my thoughts. I cant help but to wish that I spent more time this year searching why God feels the way he does, instead of why I feel the way I do. What is his plan for me, instead of my own goals and desires. God your will, not my own.

Jeremiah 29:11-13



He has a desire to please everyone….


Last night I was able to spend some time alone time with my father. The hours we spent talking covered a few different topics on life. We both were fully candid about our thoughts and ideas. It was wonderful. Dad was able to speak some significant truth and understand into my life. I left feeling inspired, and quite emotional. I took out my journal and begin to jot down some questions. “Why do men have an inapt desire to want to please everyone that is in their lives?” Especially the women in their lives. I know most of you are probably thinking, “Well what is wrong with that?” Good men have a desire and unbelievable amount of pressure to meet the needs of everyone. Its drives them and gives them purpose. “It’s a man world”. Men are ruled by their life script of gender roles, masculinity, and the patriarchal model within our society. Consequently, because of this construct they have an unbelievable amount of pressure from those around them. From their mothers, wives, children, girlfriends. If they work in a prominent female profession, they are the leaders in the workplace. Even amongst their peers… Especially if you are a man who has obtained a significant amount of success, you feel obligated to take care of everyone that you are doing better than. But let’s focus on women. Women inherently need men. There is a collection of demands that we long for from our men. We want to be led, to be desired, protected, important, and provided for. A good woman sees the potential laying doormat inside of that man. Putting pressure on that demand is wonderful, but it also can cause a man to no longer follow his heart or dreams. It can cause him to miss Gods purpose for his life. These expectations on him can become a distraction and problematic. In certain situations, these expectations can cause a man to become miserable, unhappy, and live with regrets. He is no longer living a life of his own, but he is now living a life to please others. This kind of lifestyle can cheat him out of complete fulfillment and happiness. Some men will allow commitment to stretch them too thin, by pleasing others. No one wants to live with regrets and disappointments. But some regrets lead to un- fulfillment. Life presents us with opportunities and choices. When we make the wrongs choices, we live our lives with regrets that pierce our hearts.

My ex-boyfriend sent me an email recently. It read “Biggest mistake… ever losing Ambria” I didn’t respond for several days. My response to him, out of fully not understanding and to console him. “There are no mistakes. Just lessons and maturity” He then responded a few days later with these exact words…… “I disagree. As a man, I have matured and reflected.  I have to be honest with myself… and there is definitely a difference between lessons and making a mistake. When there’s a choice and u make, that choice based on the wrong reasons… it’s a mistake”. These words begin to resonate with me. Because I know that he struggled greatly with the fear of disapproval and rejection throughout our relationship.I have heard countless examples from people who have made life decisions based on the wrong reasons. Rather it be out of comfort,money, fear, children, a false sense of obligation, pride, or miscommunication. The list goes on.

We have to be careful not to allow guilt and fear to grip the behaviors of our men. Women realize your power. Men inherently fear disapproval. Guilt and fear can cause someone to say yes, when they want to say no. And to say no when you really want to say yes. Men are validated by approval of those who they love. We say things to them like “do what is right”, “be a man”. And if they do anything outside of this framework, it is considered “wrong”. When a man makes sacrifices for the needs and wants of someone else, without considering his own wants and needs. These core beliefs are wrong. But we call it “being strong”. He walks around unknowingly wearing his “selflessness” as a badge of honor. But we never take into consideration the burden or internal struggle he made with that sacrifice. What is truly driving his decisions? Is it his heart, or wanting someone else to be happy?

When a man is not validated he associates those feelings with weakness, and it can even tap into feelings of rejection. Example; Think of a man who is unable to produce or provide for his family. It triggers feelings of “less than”, insignificance, and lack of manhood. This taps into his masculinity. All humans need approval, but there is a thin line between approval, and the ideas and thoughts of others dominating your decisions. The need of approval can be misused and abused. Which is unhealthy.

I had 6 pages of thoughts on this topic, but I will bring this entry to a close. Men, it is important to live a life that is free and directed by God. A life that allows you to make decisions that you desire and want without regrets. Proverbs 29:25. When you live up to the expectations of others you can miss Gods purpose. Ask yourself, where has God placed me? Who does he have for me? What does God want me to be doing in this season of my life? Whose opinion matters to me the most?

We have to make peace with the stakes of not meeting the expectations of others. You will disappoint those in whom you love. Think about all of the people who Jesus disappointed. Are you any better than him? If you try to please everyone but yourself, you will fail. Do not allow your life to be controlled by others. Do not allow fear to control your life and the disapproval of others to sabotage your relationships and your happiness. Be led by God and be confident in every decision that you make. Anything outside of this displeases God, it stunts your growth and opportunities. Trust your decisions. You deserve Gods best. God is waiting for you to walk into his purpose, and happiness. He has great plans for your future. Jeremiah 29:11

“I’d rather fail at doing what my hearts wants, than succeed at doing what others expect of me.”  Ambria Willis

Desperate for change

I know I havent been patient and I know I havent waited long enough…But I am ready. Ready for something new. Somewhere new. Ready for someone just like you. Daily I’ve meditated about whats to come. What you have for me next and who you have for me next. Where you’d have for me to go.

I know that I am blessed, but maybe I haven’t counted my blessings lately, because I feel desperate. Desperate for whats next, for whats to come. Please begin to develop patience in me. Know that I will never stop looking to the hills with my hands far stretched. Stretched out to the one who is sovereign in my life. You know me more than anyone. You know what I feel, what I need and what my future holds. I can rejoice in your faithfulness. Because even when I have been disappointed I can have confidence that you are involved.

Friends take courage. You are not alone in your wait, neither are you alone in the feelings and struggles that come along with being patient. Patiently wait and win in the future which is orchestrated by our father. What are you lacking patience about?


Are you okay with being single?

This is a article I wrote that was published in Love & Life Magazine a few years back I hope you enjoy!

If God reveled to you that you would never be married, would that change your outlook on life? Would you put so much energy into your appearance? Would you use as much time building relationships with the opposite sex? I had to ask myself this question and I asked the young ladies in our Tuesday night devotions group. The responses were shocking! My friend E said “I would help people more”, I said “I probably wouldn’t’ get my hair done as much”. Some of the other responses ranged from “I would use more of my free time with God”. “I would begin to join church activities, you know volunteer more. Dee said “I would adopt some children, because I would definitely get lonely”. I asked the ladies these questions because I wanted them to realize even though they always say they don’t care if they don’t have a man, subliminally they really do. I brought out the point that there shouldn’t be anything different in their lives then (if they weren’t to get married)…. that shouldn’t be bringing them fulfillment in their lives right now. After our session they all agreed they needed to do some serious self examination. I had to ask myself these questions to see if I was in God’s perfect will while I’m single and to see if I am doing things in my life to bring fulfillment, because marriage and companionship alone does not bring us fulfillment.
Most women feel to love a man, get married, have children and a successful career is the only script that will satisfy that longing of fulfillment. This sounds great, but we can have all of this and still be alone and unhappy. There are many circumstances worse than not having a companion. One of them is having a companion who doesn’t share your love and desire for God, someone whose lack of commitment divides your relationships commitment. And that’s what I’ve experienced in my past relationship and friendships.

What I do with my singleness

God has so much more for our life than companionship and earthly relationships. If we examine the lifestyle of Christ we all know that Jesus was a single man. His only purpose here on earth was to fulfill the work of God, and this is the only reason we single or married are here on earth to fulfill this same purpose, its says this in Ephesians 2:10. Even Jesus knowing and having all knowledge of things to come, practiced being present and maximizing everyday. He completely engaged himself with things that happened in the given moment. He didn’t worry about his future. He performed miracles as they came along. So how much more should we worry? We do not know what will happen to us today or tomorrow. We do not know what man or woman God has for us, or how we will meet our companion. But it is our responsibility to follow his example and live in the fullness of life right now. Jesus knew that he would die. But that didn’t stop him from living his life to its full potential or doing what God had purposed for his life. By asking those fulfillment questions, I was getting this concept across to the ladies in the group. If you let yourself live in the “what ifs” of the future you’ll find yourself missing God’s purpose in the here and now. Matt 6:32 says….For your heavenly father knows that you need all these things.”But seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things” I have learned that when God is the center of your attention, he will direct you and lead you to everything you need. Regardless if it is money, fulfillment, career choices or even a husband. By me focusing my life on God, I found myself not only filled with God but also drawn to others who are filled with god. The irony here is that we actually become more appealing to the very type of person we desire to marry when we use our season of singleness to serve God and others. He promises in his word to fill that void. Stop wasting time and begin to do the things that God wants you to do. In 1 Cor. 7:32 the bibles says “But I want you to be with care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord.”And it goes on and says that the unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy in body and spirit. As soon as I began to direct my singleness towards God’s instructions (the bible) and seek his agenda for my life. I began to get peace about my future, and true fulfillment. I now commit my singleness “free time” to helping others (Gal 5:13), to gaining a closer relationship with the Lord, to use this time alone to grow in wisdom (Ps 90:12), praying for direction with my friendships, sharing my experiences with others, equipping and preparing myself for marriage…. if God chooses to bless me with a husband. This time is not only productive but it also teaches me things about myself, while bringing pleasure to God. He is very pleased with this kind of commitment from us. Through this search I have found true fulfillment, I have received an abundance of joy (John 16:24), true contentment (Phil 4:11-13), and direction. Learning through the word of God that singleness is a gift from God, I’ve learned to appreciate, cherish, and LOVE my singleness.



Searching for a place to rest. A place your heart can be relieved of life that often consumes us. It would feel good to just escape stuff, life’s problems, other people’s problems, my problems. This year has been full of experiences that have struck my heart in significant ways. Emotional highs, emotional lows, emotional stand stills. During these emotional instabilities we want relief so desperately that we try to solve them ourselves by applying our own solutions. You know… Our own remedies, things that give us temporary relief. At times my heart becomes so overwhelmed where I can’t hear your voice that often speaks to me in times of trouble. My soul then becomes so hungry for you because I know that you are the only one who understands. The one who can satisfy my desire to rest when my spirit is broken and weary. I often think back when I called and you came so quickly… but this time it wasn’t as quickly as I hoped for. There was minutes,  which turned to hours, which turned to days. So I looked for you desperately because I could taste the relief close by..  I can’t feel your presence yet, but I just know eventually you’ll come. I wait patiently for you to comfort me or make me understand what has happened. OR just for you to find me. I know you are near…..As I patiently wait I remind myself of what you have done thus far. This gave me light and relief in the midst of this dark place. I’m desperate and humble while waiting patiently at your feet for you to touch my shoulder. I have no clue what I am doing, but seeking you daily has been my only resolve and refuge. I remind myself daily of your promises when you said you would order my steps and you would never leave me as I go through my trials.  I trust you because you have always been faithful and have never left me. In your presence I always find my strength and peace. So I’ll just wait for you. No matter how long it takes I’ll just wait for you. Not because I am so strong but because I have no other choice.

Waiting, Ladybria

get-attachment (2)


We all desire to have close relationships with others. We desire to be intimate with our husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, siblings, children,our parents and friends. God created us to be relational beings. My desire is not to only be close with others, but my desire is to be able to connect with others. The same way that God desires to connect with us. I must admit there are some individuals in my life that I desire to connect with on a more intimate level but their relational style can make it very difficult at times…lol. Thats the many things that you come along with understanding & working with people.

It is not enough for me to hear my clients, family, and friends but it is important to me that I connect with them. Accepting who people are and envisioning who they can be, or who they will become is a very important part of the connect process. It takes an effort to look beyond what a person may show you or give you. To look deeper into who they really are. It requires patience, humility and wisdom to understand that God is still doing work on the inside of this individual. He is still developing them. Get to a place where you enjoy the essence of who they are regardless if they are good or bad. And to commit to their well-being, such as Christ has committed to us. Christ delights in us. Delighting in people is denying yourself for the greater cause of revealing goodness in others. Our flesh naturally wants to judge others, to give advice, or to tell them to change or do something differently. But enjoying the essence of someone is allowing them to be naked in front of you and trying to discover where God is trying to take them.

So the test comes when you see the bad in the person are you willing to diligently search for the good in them?



Writing inspired by- Larry Crabb