My Long Journey Against Change


One thing I know about myself is that I DO NOT do well with change. I have dismiss the idea because I feel anxiety and my stomach turns just thinking about it.  I can be a control freak, and I become rigid in my thinking when taking risk. About a year ago, I came to the realization that my resistance to change begin to affect those who I love, and it started to stunt my growth. When did I become so uptight? When did I become so selfish? Most importantly when did I stop relying on God?  To take it a step further… did I ever fully rely on him? As a Christian I was ashamed to even admit that! At work I even avoided firing someone who definitely needed to go. Just because I didn’t want change in my department. Talk about foolishness! I went to the Lord in prayer “God help me to accept change. Help me to accept failure…. and help me to realize that you still love and have grace towards me when I fall”.

My life began to change, and it was unbelievably hard. I begin to let loose on my safety ropes ,and begin to take those 100 volt risk. It definitely has been a long process and a journey. I did things that I would NEVER do. I stumbled a lot, I was so afraid, I cried in discomfort, I tripped a few times. I succeeded and I have also failed. I must admit my failures go straight to my heart. I feel the full impact of the landing. They feel permanent, rejected, sometimes piercing, heavy, or like a tear.  I like stability. I don’t like feeling caught off guard. I like the known. I like planning my future. I don’t like my normal to be snatched away. I like knowing the essence, and intent of people in my life. I like to be liked.  I love to be transparent. I enjoy the process, but hate the ending. How am to have this ideology, in a world with everything being unpredictable. Life is unpredictable. TRUMP IS PRESIDENT! And I am in denial about the change that Obama is  I am maturing and beginning to look at change differently. I had to begin to not fear change or avoid it, but look at it as necessary and inevitable. Our relationships change, if not entirely, the circumstances change, our feelings change, other people’s feelings change, our bodies change, nothing is ever exactly the same each moment. We can not fully embrace God while holding on to our lives. Change is necessary for growth. I have no choice but to let go.

Matthew 6:27-33 –Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.








Are you okay with being single?

This is a article I wrote that was published in Love & Life Magazine a few years back I hope you enjoy!

If God reveled to you that you would never be married, would that change your outlook on life? Would you put so much energy into your appearance? Would you use as much time building relationships with the opposite sex? I had to ask myself this question and I asked the young ladies in our Tuesday night devotions group. The responses were shocking! My friend E said “I would help people more”, I said “I probably wouldn’t’ get my hair done as much”. Some of the other responses ranged from “I would use more of my free time with God”. “I would begin to join church activities, you know volunteer more. Dee said “I would adopt some children, because I would definitely get lonely”. I asked the ladies these questions because I wanted them to realize even though they always say they don’t care if they don’t have a man, subliminally they really do. I brought out the point that there shouldn’t be anything different in their lives then (if they weren’t to get married)…. that shouldn’t be bringing them fulfillment in their lives right now. After our session they all agreed they needed to do some serious self examination. I had to ask myself these questions to see if I was in God’s perfect will while I’m single and to see if I am doing things in my life to bring fulfillment, because marriage and companionship alone does not bring us fulfillment.
Most women feel to love a man, get married, have children and a successful career is the only script that will satisfy that longing of fulfillment. This sounds great, but we can have all of this and still be alone and unhappy. There are many circumstances worse than not having a companion. One of them is having a companion who doesn’t share your love and desire for God, someone whose lack of commitment divides your relationships commitment. And that’s what I’ve experienced in my past relationship and friendships.

What I do with my singleness

God has so much more for our life than companionship and earthly relationships. If we examine the lifestyle of Christ we all know that Jesus was a single man. His only purpose here on earth was to fulfill the work of God, and this is the only reason we single or married are here on earth to fulfill this same purpose, its says this in Ephesians 2:10. Even Jesus knowing and having all knowledge of things to come, practiced being present and maximizing everyday. He completely engaged himself with things that happened in the given moment. He didn’t worry about his future. He performed miracles as they came along. So how much more should we worry? We do not know what will happen to us today or tomorrow. We do not know what man or woman God has for us, or how we will meet our companion. But it is our responsibility to follow his example and live in the fullness of life right now. Jesus knew that he would die. But that didn’t stop him from living his life to its full potential or doing what God had purposed for his life. By asking those fulfillment questions, I was getting this concept across to the ladies in the group. If you let yourself live in the “what ifs” of the future you’ll find yourself missing God’s purpose in the here and now. Matt 6:32 says….For your heavenly father knows that you need all these things.”But seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things” I have learned that when God is the center of your attention, he will direct you and lead you to everything you need. Regardless if it is money, fulfillment, career choices or even a husband. By me focusing my life on God, I found myself not only filled with God but also drawn to others who are filled with god. The irony here is that we actually become more appealing to the very type of person we desire to marry when we use our season of singleness to serve God and others. He promises in his word to fill that void. Stop wasting time and begin to do the things that God wants you to do. In 1 Cor. 7:32 the bibles says “But I want you to be with care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord.”And it goes on and says that the unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy in body and spirit. As soon as I began to direct my singleness towards God’s instructions (the bible) and seek his agenda for my life. I began to get peace about my future, and true fulfillment. I now commit my singleness “free time” to helping others (Gal 5:13), to gaining a closer relationship with the Lord, to use this time alone to grow in wisdom (Ps 90:12), praying for direction with my friendships, sharing my experiences with others, equipping and preparing myself for marriage…. if God chooses to bless me with a husband. This time is not only productive but it also teaches me things about myself, while bringing pleasure to God. He is very pleased with this kind of commitment from us. Through this search I have found true fulfillment, I have received an abundance of joy (John 16:24), true contentment (Phil 4:11-13), and direction. Learning through the word of God that singleness is a gift from God, I’ve learned to appreciate, cherish, and LOVE my singleness.